TELLING A PARTNER ABOUT AN STI
Say what matters.
Without shame.
A clear, calm message can help a current or past partner seek testing and care. Here is how to prepare, what to say, and when an anonymous option may help.
Direct, written, clinician-assisted, or anonymous. Choose a method that protects health and safety.
CLEAR · PRIVATE · ACTIONABLE
A CONVERSATION ROOTED IN CARE
A difficult conversation can still be
a caring one.
You do not need a perfect speech. Share the relevant health information without blame, avoid guessing who transmitted what, and give the other person a clear reason to seek professional guidance.
BEFORE YOU REACH OUT
Get the facts first.
Ask the clinician or testing service what the result means, whether confirmation is needed, and which partners may need testing, evaluation, or treatment.
The relevant time period varies by infection and individual circumstances. Medical guidance gives you a clearer, more accurate message to share.
Know before you send:
What was detected? Use the correct infection name.
Who may need to know? Ask about the appropriate partner lookback period.
What should they do? Encourage professional testing or care instead of diagnosing them yourself.
BUILD THE MESSAGE
Keep it clear, factual, and brief.
A useful notification answers three questions without blame, speculation, or unnecessary personal detail.
01
What happened?
Say that you received a positive STI result. Name the infection if your result has been confirmed and your clinician advised you to notify partners.
02
What might it mean?
Explain that they may have been exposed. Do not say they definitely have the infection or identify anyone as the source.
03
What should happen next?
Encourage them to contact a qualified healthcare professional or clinic for testing and care guidance.
WORDS YOU CAN USE
Start with a script.
Make it your own.
Choose the version that fits the relationship and your comfort level. Replace the bracketed text only when you know the confirmed infection.
01
Direct conversation
“I wanted to let you know that I tested positive for [STI]. Because we had sexual contact, you may have been exposed. Please contact a healthcare professional about testing and any care you may need.”
02
Written message
“I recently received a positive [STI] result. You may have been exposed during the time we were together. I’m sharing this so you can get professional testing and care guidance.”
03
Anonymous alert
“A past partner has reported a positive STI result. You may have been exposed. Contact a healthcare professional or clinic for testing guidance.”
WHEN PRIVACY MATTERS
Anonymous can still be responsible.
Options can include notification through a healthcare professional, local health department Partner Services, or an anonymous tool. KISS privately alerts partners who were already connected with you through KISS.
01 · SHARE ONLY WHAT MATTERS
Partners receive relevant exposure information and a reason to seek care.
02 · KEEP IDENTITY PRIVATE
KISS does not reveal who entered the result behind the alert.
03 · STAY CONNECTED
KISS works with partners already connected through the app; it does not search your contacts.
SAFETY COMES FIRST
You do not have to risk your safety
to notify someone.
If you are concerned that disclosure could lead to violence, coercion, harassment, outing, or another form of harm, do not handle the notification alone. Ask a healthcare professional or local health department about safer options.
01
Ask your clinician
Your healthcare professional can help clarify who may need notification and discuss communication options.
02
Contact Partner Services
Local health departments may offer confidential partner notification, counseling, testing, and referrals.
03
Use a private option
When appropriate, an anonymous notification can communicate possible exposure without a direct conversation.
GOOD TO KNOW BEFORE YOU GO
Telling a partner about an STI: FAQs
When should I tell a partner?
Once you understand the result and have guidance about who may need notification, communicate as promptly as you safely can.
How far back should I notify partners?
The relevant period varies by infection, symptoms, testing history, and clinical guidance. Ask the clinician or testing service that provided your result.
Do I need to know who transmitted it?
No. Many STIs have no symptoms, and timing alone often cannot establish where an infection came from. Focus on possible exposure and next steps.
Is it okay to tell someone by text?
A written message can be appropriate when it clearly communicates possible exposure and encourages professional care.
Can I notify someone anonymously?
Yes. Options may include health department Partner Services and anonymous tools. KISS can alert partners already connected through KISS.
What if I am worried about my safety?
Do not put yourself at risk. Ask a healthcare professional, local health department, or trusted support service about safer notification options.
A note about medical care: This page is educational and is not a substitute for diagnosis, treatment, or individualized advice from a qualified healthcare professional. Partner-notification recommendations and legal requirements vary by infection and location. Written by the KISS Editorial Team · Last reviewed September 13, 2026. Sources: CDC Partner Services guidance, CDC Partner Services, and CDC technology-based Partner Services toolkit.
A PRIVATE WAY TO FOLLOW THROUGH
Share what matters.
Protect what is private.
Connect encounters, testing, reminders, and private partner alerts in one sexual-health app.